when i was 4 my dad asked me what i wanted to be when i grow up and i replied ‘daddy i want to be a cheesecake’ it’s been 12 fucking years and no one has let me forget it
Look at all those ducks there are at least ten
too much sass
I CAN’T HANDLE THE SASS
They can leap 36 feet
As in leap forward 36 feet
They don’t jump 36 feet into the fucking sky do you know how terrifying that would be the human race wouldn’t have survived because we’d have all had heart attacks while still in Africa
I just spent two minutes laughing harder at this than I probably should have.
IM WHEEZING SO HARD OMG
this is one of those things that always makes me wheeze
if i take long to answer your message it’s probably because i’m 50 miles down my dash
all i know is that i’m constantly tired and i want to sleep next to you
what doesnt kill you gives you exp points
reblog this before the fifth of december and you will receive at least 1 really nice message that’s meant to light up your day.
why can’t mosquitos suck out my fat instead
are people becoming more annoying or am i becoming more angry